I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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