One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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