I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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