Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
