My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
