"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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