wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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