New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
