I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
