I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
