WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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