WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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