My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
