Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize