Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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