And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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