I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
