I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
