Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
