All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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