the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
