so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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