It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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