Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
