my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
