The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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