You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
