Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
