i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
