so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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