In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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