could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
