The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
