and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am naked and annoyed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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