watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
