My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's shark week go big or go home
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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