Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
