I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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