This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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