We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
