Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
