Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
