We're facebook friends in real life
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
