Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
