I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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