ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
