I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.