when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.