Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?