My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.