My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
