Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
