Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
