The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
