i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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