A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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