drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
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If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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