Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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