I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
