I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
