I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
