There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
