I feel great
I just peed on a car
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
