I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
