Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
