Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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