I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
