threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
