I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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