i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she woke up with a sticky ear
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
