Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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