My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
